The Lonely Leader

THE LONELY LEADER

By Alan Cutler, Leadership Writer, Speaker and Mentor

John had started small but, over the years, he had built his
business up, and he now employs over 20 staff. It had taken hard
work, long hours (and an understanding family). Whilst, in the
early days, he knew all his staff personally and was, himself,
involved in front-line operations, these days his role is more
detached: he leads from a distance. Yet, with a bigger operation
and more staff come more problems. It would not be so bad if he
worked for a large company – he would have company policies and
a line manager to fall back on, but he is still, essentially, a
one-man-band. Things began to get on top of him and the problems
seemed to be getting bigger and bigger. He had no-one to turn to
and no time to stand back and actually think about his business
and where it was going. He felt isolated and alone and was
beginning to lose the confidence and self-belief he certainly
had when he was building up his business. And then he decided to
find someone who could help him through his current malaise and
guide him to take his business forward – a mentor.

Managers today are working increasingly longer hours and, as a
consequence, have less time for personal reflection; either on
work or personal-related issues. Hence, an increasing number are
realising the benefits of having someone who they spend time
with to discuss issues and to benefit from experienced,
specialist advice and guidance. In John’s case, being
self-employed, his mentor, albeit a hospitality professional,
had no connection with his catering business. Yet many
organisations, in all sectors, are now setting up formal
mentoring arrangements whereby junior managers can call upon the
guidance of more experienced colleagues from within their
company.

Mentors are not consultants employed to resolve specific issues,
nor are they coaches whose role is to encourage their client to
set and achieve personal goals. A mentor will act as a sounding
board for their mentee and will walk alongside him or her to
encourage career and personal development. The mentor’s role is
to support and develop; to stimulate and challenge. Having a
mentor can help people who hold a leadership position develop
their leadership skills for their own benefit, as well as for
their teams and, hence, their organisation. Many people have
found that the guidance they have received from a mentor has
given them greater confidence in their jobs which has made a
significant impact on their career prospects.

Mentoring has been described as:

‘Off-line help from one person to another in making significant
transitions in knowledge, work and thinking’

Megginson and Clutterbuck 1995

‘Off-line’ in this definition refers to a relationship that is
not with one’s line manager. Having someone outside one’s chain
of command is seen as being potentially more beneficial, as it
reduces the risk of conflict and lack of open discussion.

A mentor:mentee relationship should be seen as an on-going,
medium-to-long term arrangement if it is to be of real benefit.
It takes time for each party to get to know the other and, in
particular, for the mentee to gain the necessary confidence to
enter open, often personal, discussions. Confidentiality is the
bedrock of a productive relationship, with the mentor responding
to the direction set by the mentee. Indeed, the junior partner
should be encouraged and empowered to take increasing
responsibility for the pace and direction the continuing
discussions take, although the mentor should also challenge and
coax the mentee to identify problem areas.

An open, positive mentoring relationship offers many potential
benefits, including:

 addressing and resolving specific situations associated
with the mentee’s role

 building more constructive relationships within the
workplace

 clarifying and prioritising work and personal choices

 gaining greater confidence and a feeling of self-worth

 improved career development potential

 developing better leadership skills founded upon
greater confidence in the authority that accompanies a leader’s
role

An example of how off-line mentoring can be of benefit to
managers in large organisations was Mary (like John in the
previous example, not her real name), who worked for an
international company. She had a boss who she felt displayed
generally poor leadership skills, hence for whom she had little
respect. Their working relationship was generally poor, although
not totally destructive. Mary was offered the services of a
mentor within the company, who was a senior manager from another
department. After six months of working with her mentor, Mary
had been encouraged to review her relationship with her boss and
had come to accept that, notwithstanding his flaws, she had much
to learn from him. By subsequently seeking to build bridges with
him they ended up enjoying a much more constructive, if still
not perfect, working relationship. Mary believed that it was
having someone who understood her position, and with whom she
could discuss her concerns in confidence, that enabled her to
review this issue in a broader perspective and to focus on
finding an acceptable solution.

It is obvious that if a mentoring relationship is to bear fruit,
the mentee must be, or become, totally at ease with the advisor.
There must be a chemistry between them whereby the mentee has
total confidence in the mentor; whilst the mentor feels able to
advise, direct, challenge and, if need be, constructively
criticise the junior partner in the relationship. The ideal
mentor should:

 have appropriate background knowledge – this may not
necessarily be sector-specific, but must include a good level of
managerial and leadership experience

 be able to build rapport and develop relationships,
based upon mutual respect

 have a record of developing and motivating others

 be enthusiastic and interested in the mentee’s role

 be a good communicator; not least a good listener

 not be directly related to the mentee’s current
position or chain of command.

A supportive mentor can have a very uplifting effect on a
manager who has the ability but, for whatever reason, needs the
encouragement and guidance from someone who shows faith in him
or her, as evidenced from this comment:

“I was rather under-confident when I took up my current post. I
was newly divorced and had been out of the top flight for a
period of time. I was totally intimidated by the company ethos.
My mentor encouraged me to perform beyond my job description.
She would question my performance, explain my mistakes and
advise me how to perform better. Above all, she gave me
confidence. She would say “I know you have the ability to do it
and I know that you will do it”. Her encouragement and faith in
me was a great support and incentive”

Most mentoring relationships include regular, timetabled
meetings, ideally away from the mentee’s direct work
environment. The initial meeting(s) are used to share personal
information; address any concerns about the forthcoming
relationship; and identify priorities and expectations held by
both parties. Subsequent meetings, possibly held every month or
so, will become more focussed upon specific issues as levels of
confidence are built.

A fairly recent development, however, has been the increasing
practice of e-mentoring, whereby meetings are largely, or
entirely, replaced by communications over the internet. Whilst
it may be more difficult to develop deeper relationships; and
reactions and interpretations cannot be influenced by reading
body language or verbal nuances, there are some positive
benefits to e-mentoring, not least in combating problems of
distance and international time zones. Moreover, the mentor can
spend longer considering issues and offering advice, whilst the
mentee also has more time to reflect on exchanges. Issues are
addressed more promptly than by awaiting a monthly meeting,
whilst discussions can be spread over several days rather than
being confined within, say, a two-hour meeting. Perhaps,
however, the best mentoring arrangement allows for a combination
of face-to-face contact and telephone/email communications.

So, what can mentoring offer The Lonely Leader? The report
following a mentoring programme specifically for women in
leadership positions found that, as a result of the programme:

• 90% of mentees were more conscious of their own values • 84%
felt more secure in their leadership roles • 82% believed that
the programme had had a positive effect on their career
development • 80% reported that they had developed personally

Yet, how often do leaders allocate substantial resources towards
the training of their staff, whilst giving scant consideration
to their own development needs? A senior position within any
organisation can, indeed, be a lonely and, on some occasions, a
cold place. You may have nobody to share concerns with or bounce
ideas off; or you may feel that seeking guidance from your
manager may be interpreted as a weakness. But you do not have to
be a Billy No Mates – consider the benefits of having a mentor!

 Mail this post

Technorati Tags: Leader, Lonely

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!